Friday, January 15, 2010

Just Tell Me When

This whole thing in Haiti right now has been sitting heavy on my heart this week, especially for all the children there. Haiti had a lot of orphans before all of this happened just due to the extreme poverty. But the events of this week will certainly increase that exponentially.

Those of you that know me well know that I have a heart for adoption and plan to adopt someday. I've always felt like there's something wrong with me that I don't have this strong "maternal instinct" to have kids someday. Don't get me wrong, I plan on having my own child/children too, and I'm sure once I'm thrown into it I'll be all about it. But the whole idea of being pregnant and giving birth just isn't appealing to me. A friend described to me the anxious feeling of waiting and waiting for their baby and then finally getting to meet it. And I totally understand that, but for me I tend to think of that in a different way. Of going through the whole adoption process: all the paperwork and procedures, visiting the country, meeting my future child, and then finally one day being able to bring that child home.

I have actually researched and would consider adopting from Haiti. One of Cameron's co-workers just adopted from Haiti and literally brought home their child weeks ago. I can't imagine how relieved they are that their process was finalized before all of this happened. I've heard many stories this week of people that are in the middle of their adoption and how everything is so up in their air now. It's inevitable that everything will be drawn out even longer now with everything else the country is dealing with and lost paperwork, ect.

I've been thinking about when to start this whole process, and whether to have my own child first or to adopt first. If we adopt first, we could almost start that process now with how long it takes. I'm totally not ready for a child right now, but I honestly don't know if I'll ever feel "ready". I know if something did happen I'd eventually warm to the idea, but I feel like there so many things about myself that I still need to work on before I could ever be a good mom. How do you decide that you're ready to start a family? Is it just something that all of a sudden dawns on you, or is it just something you decide to do and then prepare for it?

In the meantime I'm still sorting through what I want to do with my life. I just started a new job; it's going well so far, but it's not something I'd want to do forever. I'm just a temp right now, and it'll be a while before I really see what the chances of being hired are and where I can go in the company.

I just wish this whole revealing of God's plan for your life didn't have to take so long. I'm really open to a lot - jobs, moving, adopting. Just tell me where and when.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Happy New Year!

Ah, what a nice weekend.
New Year's Eve I only worked until 2. I then got my hair cut and colored in Holland (the lowlights all faded away already though so I'm kind of bummed. I might have to get them redone this week.)

That night we went downtown with Cam's brother Duncan and his wife Kristina. First Cam and I stopped by Amway Grand to get a couple drinks and spend some of my "Amway money". It was fun to see all my old friends and co-workers and fun to sit in the lobby bar on the other side of things and people watch all the dressed up people heading out to their parties for the night. After that we met up at the BOB for their progressive dinner. We started at Bobarino's and also stopped at the Monkey Bar. After thoroughly stuffing ourselves we went up to the Top of the Bob where a live band was performing. We hung out there for most of the remaining evening. Got Cam out on the dance floor for a few songs and Duncan for one. Cam and I went up one more floor to Eve to check that out for a little bit.

After ringing in the New Year and saying goodbye to Duncan and Kristina (who had to plow later) we stopped by Rosa Parks Circle for a while. They were still playing music and everyone was dancing and having a great time. And then began the long, cold walk back to the car. It was a very fun night.

The next day we went to the Hurds for their Christmas get-together with the cousins. There were several of us there who were rather tired and sluggish looking. But always fun to see everyone and of course play games. Cam's cousins are very competitive people (they were still joking about how I got a little, shall we say "frustrated", at all the cheating going on at Thanksgiving when we were playing girls against guys fast Uno). The guys always cheat, and that was again the case Friday during Spoons, which I somehow got roped into playing partway through.

Saturday Cam and I cleaned, put away the Christmas decorations, and did some returns. We again attempted an exchange at Best Buy, but still they are out of the Guitar Hero package, as well as any other location and online. So we won't be getting our Guitar Hero for a while :(

Today Cam and I went to the Public Museum downtown. Amway Global employees got in for free until today, so we decided to check out their special exhibits going on. Grossly underestimated how many families and children would be there today, but it was still fun.

It's back to the grind tomorrow. It's a different thing for me to actually have a consistent schedule. All weekend I kept thinking that the next day was Monday and of all the things I had to do before then. So hope everyone else has a great start to the year!